Friday, October 21, 2005


The other day I was at our local Borders doing some research for one of my classes. Yes, it helps to do research in a place with coffee and cheesecake. Mmmmm.....cheesecake......

Anyway, as I sat there in the plush lounge-chair reading some obscure book on Cosmology, some some little girl -- no more than six or seven -- started belting out the lyrics to a certain Gwen Stefani song. The little girl was listening to the song in question on one of those "music sampler" headsets as she sang. This is what the little girl was yelling out at the top of her little lungs:

I ain't no hollaback girl [x200]

Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit [xInfinity]

These two verses are the chorus of the song "Hollaback Girl". It's all that she kept singing, no other lyrics, just these two verses from the chorus.

You've never been in an awkward public situation until you've heard a six year old girl say "Oooh ooh this is my shit, this is my shit" over and over again for about five minutes.

You know what the worst part of all this was? Just guess where was Mom while all this was happening.

Yup, standing right next to her daughter and jammin' to her own music sampler. I don't want to sound mean (which means that I inevitably will), but I recognized this type of "mom" instantly. You've seen her before, too. She's often tremendously overweight, sometimes with visible track-mark scars on their forearms or missing teeth from excessive meth use. They seethe with feral anger towards their own children and spend most of their time smacking their kids around when they aren't ignoring them.

Now, I'm not a prude (at least, I don't think that I am), so this little episode raises some questions for me. Lets say, for the sake of argument, that I adopted a child one day. I don't see that happening, but lets say that it did. How much of my lifestyle -- and not just my "gay" lifestyle, either -- would have to change for them? A lot. I would need to make a lot of changes. No more lounging around the house naked. No more scantily clad soft-core men on my computer screen. No more hard-core stuff either. No more Parties At GeekBoi's Place! No more open liquor bottles on the counter. No more naughty words coming out of my mouth unless absolutely necessary. More healthy foods in the fridge and no more Death Metal on the CD player.

Those are all changes that I would have to make as a Dad. And rest assured, if Dadhood were magically thrust upon me tomorrow I would make those changes before you could say "Bill Cosby".

But some parents don't make those changes, apparently. I think I saw one of them at Borders today.

The funny thing is, there are quite a large number of people who would say that the woman whom I observed at Borders today would automatically create a better environment for her children than my hypothetical future-partner and I, by virtue of the fact that she and her husband (assuming that they're still together) are straight.

Far be it from me to suggest that some people have messed up priorities, in more ways than one....


At 10/21/2005 8:40 AM, Blogger LutherPunk said...

Though kids change your life, it is not as extreme as you think. Last night I was in the kitchen cooking and listening to The Cramps "Stay Sick" disc while my boy was in and out of his room playing X Box. There was a moment when I thought it a bit inappropriate when "Creature from the Black Leather Lagoon" came on, but figured it could be a lot worse.

I still drink, but not nearly as much as I did. No more SuicideGirls screen savers (actually, I now have vintage pin-ups, which are at least more tasteful). I had to relegate a lot of the art in my old house to one room where I go to work and write and such and he doesn't hang out. And we only go "out" like once a month or so.

All in all, the change has been good. I have been forced to find a balance between my old life and new. Still, it is tough discerning what is appropriate for a 6th grader and what is not. Persoanlly, I think a little Death MEtal and some junk food can be good things...

At 10/25/2005 8:08 AM, Blogger walking, not falling said...

hmm. i love Borders. i 'm not commenting about those kind of parents you mentioned 'cause i'll start ranting....spending the night building transfusion sets for babies born addicted to crack or damaged by meth makes me more than a little cranky.


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