Mom and dad are at a Hotel on the coast for Mom's birthday.
So I call them at about 10pm to see how they're doing.
Me: Hey dad how are things going?
Dad: Not good.
[sounds of my mother crying in the background]
Me: Whats wrong?
Dad: Your mom thinks somebody stole her Xanax.
Me: Can you put mom on the phone?
[sounds of my mother wailing in the background]
Dad: She can't talk right now.
Me: Please, dad, let me talk to mom!
[more crying in the background]
Me: Mom, are you there?
Mom [crying and sounding extremely
drunk]: I gonna kill somebody.
Me: Mom, please don't kill anybody!
Mom [crying hysterically and violently drunk]: I gonna kill the fuckers who stole my pills those fuckers gonna die. I don't care if I go to jail. I don't care about nothing anymore I'm just gonna find somebody and kill 'em.
Me: So you don't know who took your pills?
Mom [still crying and still drunk]: Naw, but I gonna kill the first person I see out in the hallway. Nobody steals my pills! I'm just gonna find someone and just beat the shit out of them and kill 'em cuz nobody steals my shit!
Me: Mom, listen....
[20 minutes of me trying to convince my mom not to kill anybody]
Me: ... you have four children who love you very much. A and J look up to you and don't want you to be in jail. Please, mom, think of your kids. Don't hurt them by doing something stupid.
Mom [still extremely drunk]: I know but sometimes you just gotta kick some ass you know sometimes you just gotta go to jail its the best thing to do you know?
Me: Mom, listen, just lay down and sober up and everything will be okay. Please don't hurt anybody.
Mom [still raving drunk]: Okay heres your father.
Dad: She'll be all right in the morning. Gotta go now. Bye.
[he hangs up]
After some phone consultation with my friend Chris (and I'm still sorry I woke you up at that ungodly hour, Chris), he suggested I call the local police department. So I did.
I just got off the phone with the Police and they said that mom had sobered up a bit since I had called them, which is good. According to the police, mom had been spending her day at the pool and had "a few drinks". Afterwards, she went back up to her room to take some pills but they were gone.
Later, I discovered that my dad has been literally holding mom down the whole night. Holding her down on the bed trying to keep her from hurting herself or someone else. This is bad, because my dad is very frail with a delicate heart condition, advanced diabetes and kidney failure. I'm worried that all this stress might harm him.
Anyway, mom did end up hurting herself. She punched the hotel room wall in a fit of rage and broke her hand. It's my understanding that she's at the ER right now getting sewn up.
I also have discovered that my mom has a stash of pills in our house for just such an emergency. Apparently, mom called my sister and asked her to bring a new bottle of Xanax to the hotel room tomorrow -- it turns out that this "fresh bottle" of Xanax was actually my grandma's prescription -- but grandma died nearly a year ago.
After doing a little quick research online, I discovered that adults aren't supposed to take Xanax for more than eight months
at a time due to it's addictive nature, but Mom has been taking repeated daily doses for years
and has been hoarding my deceased grandma's pills for at least a year.
Obviously mom has a problem. I'm just wondering why our doctor has allowed this to go on?
During the conversation with my sister, my mom also said that she only had "two beers" during the day, and later changed her mind and had "three beers". Well, thats bullshit but she'll never tell the truth. My suspicion is that she had at least five or six drinks, or maybe she did have "three beers" plus a Xanax chaser. It wouldn't surprise me if she polished off the Xanax with some alcohol, threw the bottle away, forgot she threw it away and then thought somebody "stole it".
I was really scared for my mother's life tonight. I really did think she was going to hurt somebody, or maybe hurt herself worse than she already did. Or hurt my dad, even. Or get shot by the Police while in a fist-fight with some random person. I thought I was going to lose my mother tonight.
My dad didn't call the Police. He said it wasn't "needed". I had to call them instead and I had to tell the police not to tell my parents that I made the call, otherwise I would get in trouble. And believe me, I would.
I was supposed to go to work tommorrow, but instead I'm driving to the coast to take care of my parents, especially my mom. It's her birthday and she's going to need some help. She's also going to need someone to keep her out of alcohol and out of trouble. Dad will need help to, as he's very sick and this has probably drained him a lot.
Personally, I'm sick and fucking tired of being the only grownup in this house. This is the worst that I've ever seen mom -- and I've seen her drunk/high/stoned before. This was the absolute worst. And I have to pick up the pieces. I have to take care of my siblings, take care of my dad, take care of my drunk drug-addled mom, take care of the dogs, the house, the cars, the groceries....
I know that I have to be strong for everybody, but deep down I'm still just a little boy on the inside. I'm still the scared little gay boy who likes to read books and play with Legos but now I have to be the grownup for my Mom and Dad and I can't take this shit anymore.
I'm not going to be a martyr for this family. I'm not going to sacrifice my life to save this woman and her crumbling family. Yet, yet, I feel as if I'm the only one who can save her. I feel that she can't make it without me -- that she needs me to get better.
But I don't want to be her Parent. I want to be a regular 23 year-old so badly.
I need a hug.